I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
