Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
