you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
