Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
