So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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