She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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