If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
