So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
