Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
