um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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