Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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