hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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