i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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