i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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