Your tits are I can't wait for
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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