Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
