If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hippo gnu deer
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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