Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
