I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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