Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
