Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
