I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
