it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
