My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
