we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
