I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love having hate sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
