Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
