He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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