I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
