Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she told me i tasted like america
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
