I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
