i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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