If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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