ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
