Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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