next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
