What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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