he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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