I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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