I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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