hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
