saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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