Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
