You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
