I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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