ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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