Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
