one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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