addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
