I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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