so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
