Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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